My Journey

I'm a mother of an 11 year old boy.  In other words, I'm just another parent - I'm not an expert, and I quite regularly screw up, and do and say things as a parent that I don't believe in.  On the other hand, once I started actively learning and thinking about ways I do want to parent, my relationship with my son improved immensely, and I am relying on subconscious parenting habits less and less.  I have many helpful mentors that have helped me along the way, and now I feel it is my turn to "give back" some of that help to others.

When my son was two, I took a parenting class from a woman named Cathy, and the information I received in that class was a turning point for me.   I realized that when conflicts occurred between my child and I, it wasn't about either of us being good or bad, but about skills and expectations.   When he was four, I read the first three chapters of  a wonderful book, "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey. I gained some incredible insight into my parenting - the reason I only read three chapters at that time was that, at least it seemed, every page required me stop and let the information sink in - it was very powerful.  It made me notice behaviors I was trying to teach my son to control, that I was not in control of in myself, and how I was reacting in certain ways that I had "inherited" rather than chosen. This was another turning point, where I started learning to parent consciously, in a way that meets my values and beliefs, instead of doing just "what works". Shortly after that, I joined a wonderful online support group, which really helps me refine my values and beliefs about parenting and tools to parent according to them.

When I first starting thinking that perhaps I could teach parenting skills and ideas to others, I had many paralyzing self-doubts.  I considered contacting Cathy, but these doubts stopped me from taking the steps to regain contact with her.  Then, I attended a women's conference which restored my faith in the universe to provide what I needed in that moment.  I attended a session about living beyond the barriers, which I thought was going to be a presentation about a woman's journey to practice medicine in another country, and instead of that (or, in addition to) it was a workshop about how each of us could work on overcoming the barriers we had between us and our dreams.  As my "first step", I wrote down that I would contact Cathy.  An hour later, I was waiting in line for an osteoporosis screening and who should be behind me, but Cathy!  She gave me her number and eventually I got up the nerve to contact her, and she was very supportive and helped me figure out what paths I had available.

In May, 2003 I completed training to become a positive discipline class instructor, titled, “Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way”, from Empowering People (based on Jane Nelsen’s philosophy).  However, I did not adopt that philosophy without question. My philosophy is also heavily influenced by three other parenting paradigms: Lawrence Cohen’s Playful Parenting; Becky Bailey’s work, especially “Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline”; and Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training (which I find very similar in goals and values to Marshall Rosenberg’s “Non-Violent Communication”).

Since then I have been giving presentations and teaching workshops to local groups, and writing articles. I had my first article published, in the Australian publication, “Gifted”, and later in a New Zealand publication.

In 2004 I completed training in the Fundamentals of Life Coaching, and I added one-on-one phone support and parenting coaching.

In 2005, I attended a conference that included training in Non-Violent Communication, listening, and facilitating groups.  I began to focus on presentations and coaching with the occasional workshop as interest demands.

In 2006, I attended the Foundation for Children with Behavioral Challenges conference and took training from Ross Greene, Stuart Ablon, and others in methods outlined in “The Explosive Child” and “Treating Explosive Kids”. 

In 2007, I attended training to become a facilitator of the National Alliance of Mental Illness “Visions” parent training course, and conduced workshops at the Love To Learn childcare conference, and I furthered my coaching training with CTI and FCBC.

My next steps are to continue coaching and speaking, write a book and to offer online workshops and podcasts.

Acknowledgements

There are many people that have helped me along the way, that I would like to acknowledge:

· Alex, for being a great life teacher and most of all for being resilient through my ongoing mistakes. 

· Cathy H, who has the same goals even if we take different paths to reach them, and because I wouldn't be doing this today without her example.

· Crystal, whose writings help me be more open-minded.

· Debbie, for helping me see situations in brand new ways.

· Donna, for  knowing I could do it and pushing me to fly, even in the face of my doubts and skepticism from those around me.

· Dru for being honest whenever I need it most.

· Earthmoon, who embodies “kind and firm at the same time”.

· Elizabeth, for believing in me and urging me to put myself out there.

· Hilary, for seeing the writer in me.

· Joanne, whose reactive vs. proactive concept was a turning point for me.

· Jody, for many things, but especially the concept of drawing forth.

· Mike, for being my rock.

· Sahara, for her empathy towards me which helped me find self-empathy and confidence.

· Steph, for being willing to really delve into philosophy with me in a gentle manner.

· Sue, who helps me question my thinking in such a gentle way, and for being a wonderful reviewer and friend.

· Victoria, for cheering me on and being my mentor across the ocean.

 

Thanks to all of you, and to those of you that I’ve forgotten to mention!

Lisa Stroyan